My flowers :)

These beautiful flowers were sent to me at work...from a secret admirer... :) I know who you are and thank you! Very appreciated! I needed a pick me up, and these came just in time! I am lucky to have you!!!

Milo's Blanky

Aunt Sarena was done from Oregon and stopped by to visit me and the girls...She made this amazing blanket for Sammy with her favorite pictures of sweet baby Milo! What a thoughtful gift! Sammy will be able to curl up with her Milo...very touching. It is also in the colors that his nursery was done in...blue and brown.

Paternity Testing...

So very personal subject to talk about! I guess I am just needing to vent what is inside. I really do need to start a journal to pen all of these bottled up emotions. But until then....

So Oly and I have been summoned by the all mighty ORS to do our genetic testing. Next week mind you...At a very inconvenient time I might add! So all these thoughts rattle through my mind...two very different scenarios...

1. Have the testing done, have the results and then like discussed with my lawyer take ass hole back to court and get every cent he owes for the past couple years and have that also be garnished by a court on top of his obligations to ORS. And finally rest in the satisfaction of him for once having to be repsonsible, accountable, and screwed. As that is my life!!!

OR

2. Since I can find no way in my mind on how to have the test not come back connecting him as the father ( I do have dna peeps in the family so I have been asking about how I can fail the test...blah blah...not possible) Just dropping the case and falling off the planet so that I never have to be connected to, be near, or findable to Brent as I truly have never felt hatered until I have been burned twice by him. A Brent free life is nice and peaceful...But do I let him continue to get away with being such a bad father who is not in any way willing to do what is right? Well at least what a normal careing father would consider right? Is it wrong to not hold him accountable just because I never want to have to deal with his lies? You know it is sad, I would hate to be him and have to live with this day after day...It is funny I was talking to my parents about it the other night and I said "I had to cry, beg, plead...he still would not get it...How does he sleep at night?" and my dad says "Very easy, and next to the next girl who is paying his way...Brent is and will always be all about Brent" And he is right, it is sad for Oly but it is true...

So I am still debating on what would be the choice that would bring me the most peace...

I really had hoped that after 1 1/2 years of seperation from his daughter he would finally be moved to do the right thing and what is best for her...u know not think about him...I am also very bothered that he lied to me...our last conversation I begged him to move down here and help me...I told him I would even release him from child support oblig if he would just help me out by taking his time and being a consistant father. He told me that he made 75,000 there and that there is no way he could make that here and thus was not willing to leave NH not even for her...well truth comes out he makes 36,000 and he could easily make that here...he just did not want to...selfish bastard...ya he makes 75...cuz half of it is Catherines money!!!! I do not know why he feels he has to lie! I dont give a shit what he makes, money is not what makes a successful person! The only reason I turned him in was so that he had to be some what responsible for the little girl he ran away from...not the money! I guess he will figure that out when no one is at his funeral and he cant take his money with him...By the time he figures out what is most important in life, it will be too late.

Ok I feel better now! I love writing...maybe I will write a book...I will title it Jenny, Oly, and her piece of shit dead beat dad...That has the makings for a good book admit it!!!