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Saturday, February 28, 2009

So many kinds of love...

Jordan Minnick :)

I have been very lucky to have been able to keep some of the most important people in my past part of my future like Romney, Crysta, Hope, Charity, and Jordan. Jordan was a lot of my firsts...boyfriend I really cared about, boyfriend who really cared about me, he took me on my first plane trip, my first holidays with someone else family, my first love, first break up, lol first guy to ever poor milk shakes on my car...and many more things. And yet after 13 years he is still part of my crazy life! He loves listening to all the crazy things I have going on in my life and I was so happy to talk to him about them, I love a mans perspective on certain situations, and he gives great advice. LOL but we do not talk about Robbie ever, since he is a mutual person in our lives.

As we talked this weekend I could not help but go over some of the good and bad times and just laugh! It is funny that I could not picture my life with out him then and I never would have pictured he would be a part of my life as he is now...ya know? It is strange how love changes! Back then I felt I loved him so much that I wanted to marry him and now I look at him and love him just as much as I ever did only in a different way.

How do we know which love is which? How do we know which kind of love we are supposed to hang onto? The love that is new and exciting or the love that is old and familiar? The love that is unsure but could have so many possibilities? The love that does not really belong to us? Do we go with our head or our heart?

Thanks Jordan for listening to me :) luv you!

Friday, February 27, 2009

Im not an addict!

I have a terrible addiction to shopping! I must be stopped! When I get bored during the day at work, or home if I can not sleep, and almost every weekend esp if I am with Stacey or my mom I must shop! I must spend more money!!! I am sitting at work writing this because If I was not writing I would be shopping :)

I wonder if there is shopping rehab? Now don't go thinking I blow all my money because I am quite a savor but I just love spending! I better go back to school so that I can make more money! I was told to marry rich...lol...that is funny for two reasons 1. Because that would mean marriage. 2. Because I heard those who marry for money earn every cent...lol!

Monday, February 23, 2009

Hay is doin good!

To all those who were concerned about Hay I just wanted to let you know that her little surgery went well! So here is a run down of our day.

6:00 Hay awakes...
6:05 Hay wants food...
6:06 She cries because she is supposed to be NPO (nothing by mouth after midnight)
6:30 - 11:00 Complains that I am starving her.
11:00 Valium...a wonderful drug!
12:00 Hay to dentist office and is given a shot and put under :(
12:05 Mommy cries :(
1:00 Hay awakes disoriented and her tongue swollen so she could not talk.
2:00 Back home and still not able to walk, and seeing double.
2:05 Wants a mirror and is pist because she thinks that she looks like a pirate...lol.
8:00 Still complaining :) and is headed to bed.

Poor lil girl! We brush morning and night and also floss yet she is going on her third cavity, today she had to have two root canals :( I have not even had that! So anyone have ideas on what we are doing wrong and what we can improve? I'm talking to you Crysta whom has never had a cavity in her 29 years :)

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Ha ha ha



Not sure if anyone knew that Justin decided to go back to school...Stevens Henager to graduate in Respiratory Therapy. First of all like three things are funny about this! 1. Justin commit to school? (I helped him do his packets to get his GED) 2. Respiratory therapy? you have to be a nice person to go into this field, you know like personable? 3. Lol...he thought he would get paid to go and that he would not have to get a job and could keep unemployment :( sad day...NOPE! anyways two weeks into it he tells Stacey he quit BIG SHOCK! but Stace decided there was more to the story so she asked and here is the real deal....All those who know Justin know that he has a very loud threatning way of talking like on a nice day he only wants to ram my head into a wall. So he has a friend in admissions (I know a friend? that really is the unbelievable part of the story huh?) he goes in and is yelling about his stupid teacher and how she is a cunt and he wants to kill her...well teach happend to be walking by and went and turned him in to the dean. Justin got a call at ten that night be the cops telling him he had been kicked out of school for threatening the staff and sudents. Ha Ha Ha...you know it is funny because even though he has been kicked out of the navy for fighting, and lost two jobs to fighting, and has no family who likes him...he still thinks HE is not the problem!

So these pics are funny because everyone says Hay is my spiting image...uh no! And also because this is Justin on a happy day...Can't you tell by his big smile?

Still I rise


You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

Maya Angelou


I had a really hard week...lots of life thoughts running around in my mind...hectic life! I came home from work and Smelly Melly left me this poem and a tasty treat :) I felt a sort of empowerment when I read this, also a bit of reality slapped my face! Who am I to think my life is difficult! I have been through my fair share of shit but it is prob nothing compared to what others have been through! So it gave me a bit of perspective! Thanks Smelly!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Valentines Day pics


This is the outfit Brent bought her when
he was here.




So I had this really great coupon so even though my Oly Poly was sick I sick dressed em up and went on down to kiddie kandids...she has the rosiest little cheeks :( and she was sooooooo grumpy but all in all they turned out ok....I should have waited but it was sooo cheap!

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Valentine's Day


I was hoping my shirt would bring on a willing man...lol

Stacey with a mouth full of food :)

This is like the sundae I hid in my purse.

Men suck!

My day started out like any other awoken by two obnoxious children demanding breakfast, followed by baths, getting ready for the day, and of course a random argument with Robbie. The story of my life! I decided to ignore Rob cuz he is stupid just like every other man I know so there went my evening :( however Romney decided to dog Stacey for some poly choir thing, so in the afternoon I got a text from her asking me if I would be her Valentines date...I thought what the hell better then sitting home feeling sorry for myself so we went to dinner and a movie! We went to La Luna for mexican then to cold stone for ice cream...come to find out you cant bring outside goodies into the theater so we snuck in our ice cream sundaes in our purses...lol...messy...oh yes! We decided to see He is just not that into you. It was so true! I have already read the book when I was like in high school...lol. Im not sure why men feel they have to lie, it would save us all alot of time if both parties were honest right from the get go ya know? Still I find guys in my life lying to me when the truth is actually the best way to go...men stink...I think I will be a lesbian...ha ha the only thing worse then men are women!!!!

Anyway it was a great night, the best Valentines Day I have ever had!!!!! Thanks Stace!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Big surprise!





My beautiful flowers I got today at work :) It made my day! They are super pretty and also smelled up my office and everyone who came in commented on them, I heard "oh someone must really love you" like twenty times. So thank you ;)

Bye bye....gallbladder :(

I am going to have to have my gallbladder removed :( I hate the thought of surgery!!!!! Who will make sure the girls are taken care of...hell who will make sure I am taken care of...I have way too busy of a life to have surgery!

Harm says "so when is the big day, we can have a going away party for it?" I tell her never that I love each and every one of my organs and do not want to part with any of them. LOL...she sends me a message the says "I hear if you really love some one you have to let them go" she kills me then Romney goes on to add "If its ment to be, it will come back" a bunch of comedians is what they are!

I'm afraid of surgery....I will just ignore it and hope I do not explode or something.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Crysta!!!!

I am in Triage this week so no internet access :( fyi I had my lung x-rayed today just for you! I tried to beg antibiotics from one of the PA's but it was a no go :( but I did get the xray :)

Battle of the buldge...lol


So I hopped on the scaled today as I do everyday at work and to my surprise the number had gone up to an unacceptable number!!!! YIKES! So part of my New Years resolution was to loose five pounds well now I have ten :(

So I have given up the goodies :( and will start eating healthy...So the only reason I am announcing this is because I am looking for some good low cal and low fat recipes....I know alot of my readers do not blog so you can email me any you feel I might enjoy....

Today was day one...so far...I am doing good, no goodies, I am in control....lol!!!!!!

Monday, February 9, 2009

Eating....as always!


Before cute lil Joyce left UTPS she wanted to take pics of everyone....she captured me doing what I do best eating! Is this not the most unattractive picture ever???? She says smile and I showed her what I was eating....lol....and to top it all off I am wearing my very cute little blue surgical bonnett with matching surgical mask....don't laugh the trend will catch on, its what all cool people are wearing this winter!

LOL...its amazing I don't have like twenty guys chasing after me huh? It's cool their just intimidated by how beautiful and smart I am....well all except for Robbie who is just as beautiful and smart as me :)

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus?

Dec 2004 for some reason as I was addressing Christmas cards I decided hell maybe I will send my dad one. Mar 2004 I get a letter from him it was a whole three sentences maybe four you know the "you have grown up" nonsense, like of course I have grown up that is what kids do! Anyways he leaves his email address so I figure ok this must be awkward for him and I email him a couple days after I get his letter, I just gave a brief update on my life. He emails me back and gives me the randoms on his life...So that was pretty much it...I asked if he would like to get together at some point and he was not interested...

Useless trivia about him...
1. He was married when dating my mom (she was unaware)
2. Would not take my mom to a dance due to a hang nail.
3. I believe on marriage 3 he actually helped raise her child.
4. Owned his own business then became a trucker???
5. Has a son named Jared who also has a daughter named Haylee making him the grandfather of two Haylee's.
6. Gave up his rights to me to get out of paying a ton of back child support.

So my parents went out to breakfast the other day and low and behold who is seated next to them??? My good for nothing dad...My poor mom! Hell my poor dad!! She came over afterwords and she was so furious at him, and I figured it was because he was such a ass to her but she was upset that he was still the same ass he had always been and had the opportunity to be a part of my life and was disinterested...even though the money part was long over....

You know I will never ever understand how a man can walk away from his child, as a child I thought it must have been because I was a bad baby or was not cute, then the thinking matured to my mom and dad must really not have gotten along or he traveled too much. But after being through it twice now myself and knowing that I have beautiful daughters and I know that I did everything I could to make the relationships work I am back at square one...I feel my moms pain and I understand her pain, and that makes me sad to think that one day 20 years from now I will run into Justin somewhere and he will still bring out that sadness and anger just like it was yesterday! I love my mom and thank God that she stuck it out and chose to keep me even though she was left and alone, I also hope my girls feel the same way I do when they are older! But every night I pray that neither of them have to go through the pain of being pregnant and alone that they will meet good men who will help them.

I guess I will never fully understand how they can do it! Men are a mystery to me!

Sunday, February 8, 2009

...POA....Heck No!!!

Yesterday sucked! like super bad sucked! I was at the dr. all day between Oly and Hay, I have had no sleep in quite some time, and was starting to feel not well myself :( I decided that maybe I would feel better if I worked out so I had sick kids so I had to ride the bike, I start riding and about twenty five min into it I got all this pain in my back and my left lung....I could not move or breath it was terrible!!! Well I am anti dr. so I decide to wait it out, I put the girls to bed and tried to go to bed, I was in so much pain hell it was worse then labor! So at 2:02 in the morning my phone goes off three right messages right in a row. I guess I was the lucky gal chosen for two a.m. booty call....wtf....so one of the guys I just ignored as I usually do, then the other was my ex and he knows I don't sleep well so he kept bugging me when I did not answer the texts I start getting calls. Then I have Robbie sending me mad mean messages cuz I was not feeling well and not wanting to go out or hang out. So I'm pissed! I am miserable in pain, I have three guys making asses of themselves I am thinking of changing my number so I can just be left alone! FYI....Do Not! text me at two in the morning lookin for a piece....IT WONT HAPPEN!

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Fantasy...

I work with the sweetest girl named Janalee. We have similar personalities even though she is about 15 years older then me. We were talking about the recent events in my life. I was needing advice since she was an outsider to my situation and no one close to me could help me with out bias. She shared a personal story with me that I will not share with all of you but that helped clear up a lot of for lack of better words the fog that has filled my head lately. She reminded me that people are easily moved from reality to fantasy, we are brought up hearing stories of princesses, evil step mothers, handsome princes, and happily ever afters. I think that it is what we assume will happen to us. We grow up meet prince charming fall madly in love then marry and live happily ever after...as nice as that thought is....reality is you grow up meet joe at the bar get pregnant get left and eventually meet some one you can stand and settle with him. Who wouldn't want to live in fantasy land, there every thing works out and every one is happy! Recently I got caught up in fantasy and the happily ever after. It is nobodies fault it is just easy to fall into the what might have beens or the what can be, but reality is what is... and as much as we want it to be something else it will never be, it hurts but it is how it is and will continue to always be. I am glad I talked with her because she reminded me that my life is great! And I am un necessarily focusing emotion on something that I do not need to, and I am viewing this in the wrong way and i need to change my out look on this situation and make peace with it. And I have. I feel good and am ok with stepping back into reality. Thanks Janalee for having always the time and enough tissues to listen to me! :)

Mikey MIA






Ok so last night after finally getting to sleep after being harassed by Robbie, then kept up from Haylee I start getting Mike is missing texts....How can someone so big and ugly not be remembered as being seen by anyone???? I have never met someone so eh I am down for whatever and does it with no one knowing what the heck he is up to. Needless to say he was found, but next time I see him I will beat him for being another reason I never get any sleep! Its lucky he is so sweet with me and my kids :)

Friday, February 6, 2009

I was TOLD!

This morning I was running around trying to get ready for work, I was kinda annoyed Hay was taking her sweet time, so I get a lil grumpy with her and say "Hay move it, come on lets go" so she turns to me and says "Drop your anchor mom!!!" lol drop your anchor? I said were did you hear that? "I didn't I made it up you know like when ships drop there anchors it stops the boat?" LOL! I was told!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Sad day!


Today men suck! I give them two thumbs down...It happens once shame on you, it happens twice shame on me!!!!!!

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

One naughty lil girl!


This little monster! Hay was playing with my make up and left it in the bathroom sink well Oly took it upon herself to climb onto the toilet and into the sink and ate my mascara!!!!!!! Then had the nerve to laugh....ha ha ha....boy its lucky she is so stinkin cute :)

What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas...


Ha ha....I have heard that saying a few hundred times yet it hit a soft spot over this last weekend! Robbie and friends took a trip to Vegas...need I say more?....most of you know my past with Robbie so I don't even have to go into the details. So is Robbie mr right? eh...maybe mr. right now. Funny thing is he is the one who always messes up yet he is the one who wont let go...men!!! have not met one yet that knows what the hell they are doing! It's ok! I am saving myself for Dane Cook!

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Confused....

Finding my way back to sanity again, though I don't really know what I'm gonna do when I get there...

You know I kinda feel like all the things in my life are out of my hands, some of the biggest decisions in my life I did not get to decide I just had to sit back and watch it all fall apart due to someone else decisions and yet every time it seemed to affect my life more then the one calling the shots. Not sure if that makes any sense to anyone but me. It is just weird to me how many people have control over what we do or how far we get in life like, mothers, fathers, bosses, friends, boyfriends, and girlfriends. Not saying we do not have control over own life just that they help mold our life to their likings as each of them pass through our lives. I guess I am rambling! I just feel like my happy little world is all a spinnin right now and I'm not sure how to make it stop, what the right or best decision is in any aspect of my life right now but I guess life is what happens while you are making other plans...

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Brent and Oly



Super Bowl!!!

LOL...This year we had our own little Super Bowl party. Romney was betting on the Steelers and Stacey was going for the Cardinals....It was funny just watching them :) It was a good game! I love it when the games are so close! Oly was also very into the game and big surprise she was routing for Stacey's team, and Haylee was just obnoxious! Stacey brought too many goodies over, the girls were on a sugar rush :)